my hair is much longer than hers and that’s why you don’t invite me over you know you’d spend the whole evening wanting to put your hands in my hair and eventually you’d put your hands in my hair and no matter how gently you do some tresses will attach themselves to the moist spaces between your fingers and glide off onto the couch or the lamp or the blanket we lay on they might find themselves in the shower stuck to the glass doors or just poking out of the drain or in the carpet or on your pillowcase…
It’s what keeps me from killing myself
There are other things, I’m sure
But chemically speaking
It’s folic acid
I didn’t know this for a long time
So for a long time, I wanted to kill myself
Not literally speaking
I didn’t actually want to die or anything
I didn’t load the gun
Nor did I take the pills
But I did lay in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling fan
Wondering what it would be like to not exist
Not to die or anything
Just simply to not exist
I told my therapist this
And she told another…
There are times
When I pray to every god and deity to make it stop. To grab hold of the ache in my chest and pull with all their might like they’re in a match of tug-o-war with my heart until there’s nothing left but an unraveled thread bounding me to the things that make me weep. I could deal with a thread.
A thread is better than a rope.
There are other times when I look up at the sky and curse the clouds for ever perpetuating the idea that there are gods and deities who would ever do…
The first day we met, we tag-teamed a bottle of some expensive pinot noir that I’d never heard of before. It felt like the whole world was watching us as it took its toll, examining the label with its sepia-toned photograph of a man and a woman zooming away on a motorcycle. We said that was us. I wish that was us.
We finished that bottle and you hopped on your motorcycle to head to some prior commitment I wished I knew more about and I’d never felt an absence so palpable. Even the room looked a little sad you…
I’d like to preface this by stating COVID-19 is an incredibly serious subject and one I have spent months worrying about, donating to and working towards understanding. However, humor is one of the most universal ways to cope with the shitty hands we’ve been dealt. This article is an attempt at that.
About 11 months ago, back when the world was a completely different place, I wrote sarcastically about all the things I would do should the world enter lockdown mode.
Surprise, past Bradie. It did, sister girl! …